i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize