I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
