Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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