Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
