Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
