nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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