I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
