Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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