I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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