He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
this boner is exhausting
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Randomize
