Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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