Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Congratulations! We have a period
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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