I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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