remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
