Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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