Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
