The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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