i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Randomize
