It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
