We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
