none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
My life is pants optional.
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