I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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