We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
