I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
