watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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