When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
