We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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