i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
