Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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