my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
