Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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