tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Randomize
