saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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