Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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