I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Randomize
