You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
