he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
