Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
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