remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
