shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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