I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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