I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
