we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Randomize
