Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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