you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
