Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
