You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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