I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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