Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize