my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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