i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
