so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
