My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
