i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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