I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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