She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
how drunk are you?
Several
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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