is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
