Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
