i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
