Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
