4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
