just tell him i said nine months
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
