is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
