please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
