so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
