i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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