i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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