What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
