Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize