she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize