so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
