I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
