dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
