As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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