If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Randomize
