go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I am naked and annoyed.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
