the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize