mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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