I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I stole a fireplace last night.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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