Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
