Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
