I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
