so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
