I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
