I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
