he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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