a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Randomize
