i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
