the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Someone came in the potted fern
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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