there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
