I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize