Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
