look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
