Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
