In the future we'll all be gay
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
He felt like a one man threesome
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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