I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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