She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
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