I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
