He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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