my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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